--> can i say something!?

..:. i think i should speak up .:..

i am my nanay and tatay's daughter. i am very very (raise to infinity) happy with that. in fact i am writing this blog because of them. i hate it when i see them sad. i hate it because the only thing i can do is nothing. i am tired of talking and chatting the same topic over and over again. i am tuckered out with issues, chismis and stories that seems to have no ends. i am exhausted of having this thoughts running back and forth in my head. this thoughts are things that i want to say with regards this issue. issues, in my father's side..... the arriola clan.

this things i cannot say straight to my relatives. why!? simply because i am not credible enough for them, my judgement, opinions, feelings and sentiments are not that important and i can see from their faces - eyebrows will start raising and mouths will suddenly opening, saying "kala mo kung sino sha!!" or something that will question my credibility and make my self steem boost very low....

so, since i cannot do anything... blogging is the answer..... i'll just blog out what i want to say...

i have nothing against with my father's side. as a matter of fact, i love my auntie's and uncle's.
i am giving respect to them, same respect that i am giving my nanay and tatay. nanay always tells me that i should respect old people especially aunts and uncles. whatever happens respect for the elderly should come first.

cousins!? they are nice and good to me. i love being with them but somehow age seems does matter.... i am 21 and gaps are ranging from the least 7 years up. my generation is different from theirs. sometimes abrupt straightforward outspoken reactions i have, were misinterpret. addition to that is my sincerity and intentions were also questioned... it's okay, i understand.

what's my point!? please give my nanay the respect she deserves.....

i think you really don't know my nanay very well. there are many precedent and occurence that hurt her and kept it tightly within her. i am not in the position to site those things. what i mean is don't judge her. i hope sometimes you'll consider feelings that my nanay have....

this is what i observed in my 21 of existence. maybe two sides are really different. in my nanay's side of the family: uncle's and aunt's have a great concern over tatay, they really love tatay and labeled him as "the best bayaw and even best uncle that is a husband of their aunt". however, this scene is not visible in my eyes at tatay's side of the family. i am not telling that put the spotlight to my nanay's, but i am just wondering..... isn't that you should be more nice to people who is not a real member of the family? isn't it that you should show how you are open and how much you welcome the new member... ah, but what's the ever great motto that i have heard two years ago..... "blood is thicker than water" i get it, the motto that was pass every issue that arises in this family..... how come i cannot hear it on the other side??? maybe someone will say "you can't hear it or even understand because they speak it in their own dialect bisaya!" as a matter of fact, i can perfectly understand the dialect and speak it with a really nice tagalog accent. so i guess, the motto is not on their vocabulary....

i think i've said enough. its time for me to shut up. but here's the essence of this blog.....


actually i want to say something to ate gigi.... this what i want to say to her....

ate gigi, wala kang kinakausap samen except si tatay chaka ate anne. kinakausap mo ko, pero dapat ako una papansin sayo. that's ok. hindi naman kita kayang pilitin if ayaw mo makipag usap, it's your own decision. diba you are deeply hurt sa pag uusap niyo ni nanay especially don sa "point of entry ka lang" don sa isang beses na nasabi ni nanay yon dahil sa sobrang galit at inis dahil sa nagulo yung plano. kung nasaktan ka don, sana naisip mo din na ilang beses nasaktan si nanay don sa sinabi niyo na "blood is thicker than water" put yourself in nanay's position. ikaw sabihan ka ng kamag anak ng friend mo o kaya ng asawa mo na "blood is thicker than water" di ka ba masasaktan.

kinausap kita one time. saturday yon. binigyan kita ng tea set. i think after ng pag uusap naten, getting your side and explaining what i think and giving my opinion, okay na. hindi pala...... i was wrong, my sincerity and intentions were again questioned and misinterpret. "sino nga naman pala ko para magsalita ng ganon!?" sana if you don't like what i did, sinabi mo na. sana you showed already that time how you are annoyed of me having you disturbed washing the clothes. sana you never accepted the tea set i gave you if you have doubts that time. and sana di mo na ko in-embrace and hinatid sa gate if you will say something against what i did that time. you know after that talk, i thought na okay na tayo. but i was wrong. as i said earlier what i did, talking to you in my utmost care and giving you a sisterly advice, with a clear and pure intentions of having the bonds and ties between us will be back to what it was then was useless because as you have said weeks after the talk that "who am i, para magsabi non!?"

i don't know what happen. but as i said, i have nothing against you. if you want to comment on something about me, please, kindly say it directly to me. i would just like to say, what i have said the last time we talked. i miss the "porki callings", well then if its because of the anger and the pain you feel right now is the hindrance of the mending of some things, very well, it takes time and self motivation before it'll gone.

i have no guilt feeling against anyone even on you. if that's what you feel for me, this time, that's okay. i cannot change it no matter what. you are entitled to your own feelings and opinions. my intentions the last time we have talk is sincere and pure... i thought i can get what was left behind, the closeness. i thought i am near it. but i was wrong.... the closeness that i was trying to grab was just the mirror image of the far oppsite end of the real thing. ate gi, things are all in your hands, you just have to know how to handle each.... as a young niece to nanay, you should have say sorry.... respect for the older ones is not a loss..... but as you have said, it will take time. its in the blood of this family and history shows..... older people usually acknowledge or "sinusuyo" the young ones, but it must be the reverse.

tatay is in pain... asking now and then.. why is it happening!? if only i can do something more. i tried patching things up by talking to you.... but you have misinterpret and questioned my sincerity..... but please do remember, if your ready to talk to me, anger and pain is gone, we can get back what was the closeness that was left behind.... i am always here. together with the rest.

i blog this one because..... i know if i talk it to you personally.... again and again... i might be misinterpret again.... like before....

i also blog this one because i know you are not talking to me.....

maybe your gonna ask or someone might ask me... "sino ba ako para magsalita ng ganyan at akala mo kung sino ako para magsalita ng ganyan!?

the answer is plain and simple: family is family... kung walang magpapakababa... wala... para sa ken kase di ko kailangan ng pride pag ang naka-stake na is yung something na treasured ko... and i hope the string that is connected between your side and mine will not be cut.... again and again... if the pain and anger you are carrying right now is gone, please let me know... because i am waiting for you and can help you in patching and mending things up, if you'll only let it...

...... that all ate gigi - i wish you luck and have a good trip going to alaska.



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to the reader....
everything that was written in this blog was merely by my opinion, point of view and feelings..... if by any chance you are moved negatively or positively by my blog.... just shout it in my shoutbox, so i can contact you., if ever you need an explanation. you can freely message me at the outbox as anonymous....

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there will be a 100% probability that this blog is non existent in the outside of the blogspot world and even in this blogspotworld..... my blog is invisible to everyone and unimportant.... it is not attractive to other people. only me and i cares to bother visit this blog... and i quite enjoy it... yeahboi.!



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ich moechte eine gute benziehung familie herstellen fuer meine vater... :o